Here are the answers to some questions I’m frequently asked. Please feel free to send me more and I’ll do my best to answer them.

Q. Will you come and perform at my wedding/birthday party/stag do/other completely unsuitable event for stand up comedy?

A. No.

Q. Do you actually live with Rhod Gilbert?

A. I used to live with him but now he spends most of the time in one of his many other thousands of properties. He’s like the Nicholas van Hoogstraten of the comedy world.

Q. Are you on Twitter?

A. No. Though I share a twitter account with Jon Richardson and Dan Atkinson (@gitshow) for the improv show we do together. Any one of us can post on it, but it’s often not clear who’s written what. I mainly go on it to correct libelous things that Dan has written about me.

Q. Why aren’t you on Twitter?

A. Honestly? Because it scares me. I do have a Facebook page, but that’s run by my agent.

Q. What are your other interests apart from comedy?

A. In no particular order here are some of them: crazy golf, postwar Chicago blues music, single malt whisky, Texas Hold ‘em poker, golden age hip hop, real ale, body surfing, Thai food, pub quizzes, film noir, music of Muscle Shoals, the novels George V. Higgins, spaghetti westerns, kung fu films and finally perfecting the Dutch rudder.

Q. Who are your favourite comedians?

A. There are lots of brilliant comedians that I admire. Too many for me to list. I think Eleanor Tiernan is on very fine form at the moment.

Oh, and check out the writings and videos of George Cottier. I laughed my arse off.

Q. In Ask Rhod Gilbert when you arm-wrestled David Tennant, you can clearly be seen holding on to the edge of the table. Isn’t this a breach of the official rules?

A. Technically, yes. But I was playing the part of the evil Birsh, a unscrupulous half bird, half fish hybrid. Bending the rules was entirely in keeping with my character. As was mercilessly bending his puny arm against the table.

Q. Do you really do the voice of Elvis on Fireman Sam/Were you really a blacksmith/Were you actually born in Bristol?

A. No. Some rascal keeps altering my wikipedia page with his own “facts”. And then lazy journalists print these facts and this little tinker then links back to the newspaper articles to substantiate them.

But I don’t mind really. We all need to start somewhere. And if his first step on the ladder is going on the internet and moving the birthplace of a minor comedian eighty miles to the east then best of luck to him, I say.

Q. I’m in interested in becoming a comedian. Do you have any advice?

A. Yes. You need to practice performing (or “gigging”) and writing jokes. The more you do it, the easier it becomes to do it. Keep on keeping on. You’ll get better. Unless that is, you’re really shit.